A Requested Title the Library Doesn't Own

A patron came in today and asked if we had a book. I had to say that we didn't but we have a similar title. The patron said they didn't want the new book by that author, they wanted the original book that was published in the 1950s called:
To Kill a Hummingbird.

The patron asked since we don't have it, could we order it. I explained no, and why. Even though it should exist, that book doesn't.

Rhyming dictionary websites

Only two I will mention. There are others.

First of all, I get distracted by words like shiny objects or the exclamation, "Squirrel!" I was walking along and I saw the phrase, "100 years ..." and then I was past it.

Although I confess, I have not read the book, the first thing that came to me as I thought on the flashed phrase was "100 Years of Solitude." Then I thought of plays on that title--100 Years of Attitude, 100 Years of Certitude, etc.

So I looked for a rhyming dictionary online to help me come up with other amusing word mash-ups to see what meanings might result. RhymeZone rhyming dictionary at http://www.rhymezone.com/ is woefully inadequate. I'll just say it. Even if you ask it to search for near rhymes, if finds fewer words that I can think of off the top of my head.

The WriteExpress Online Rhyming Dictionary at http://www.writeexpress.com/online2.html works much better and came up with words I was expecting to see, including one syllable words that you could add to a phrase as well as the three syllable words that fit exactly into stress and rhyme pattern of solitude.

Oh. And another spoof title thought up by a colleague: 100 Years of Running Nude.

A Song for Closing

Sometimes, one must change up the routine to get the attention of perfectly fine, but busy people when the time comes to empty the building. One method for this is my "Poorman's Al Yankovik" Fair Use parody of some helpless, innocent song.

I submit for your consideration, "I Think We Are Closed, Now," wrenched from Tommy James and the Shondells' "I Think We're Alone Now," also covered in the 80's by Tiffany.

Print files or save!
That's what we say when we are closing
And don't let's delay
Let's close like we planned
And so we're checking out as fast as we can...
Giving to you a helping hand
Trying to get away into the night
And then you gather up your items and you wander to the door
And then we say, "I think we are closed, now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around.
"I think we are closed now,
The beating of our hearts is the only sound."

The song ends there, because when you're making closing motions, people really don't want a two or three minute radio ditty. About a minute is enough inflict on people without rousing their annoyance beyond having been interrupted in their task and being asked to leave in the first place.

a table not next to the wood stove

I just posted a lie as a comment at a friend's posting request. He asked his Facebook friends to lie about how they met him. I am (much) more pleased with my lie than it deserves, so I thought I might inflict it on you as well--a kind of a "short-short" story. (You may hear an imperfect echo of a Marty Robbins song.)

We met...

Down in the West Texas town of El Paso, where I was drinking a Dr. Pepper.

You sat at a table placed next to the wood stove, and asked, "What do you think on a day like today?"

Thinking that this was the espionage pass phrase

I had been waiting for I answered thus, "Like the tide when the moon is leaving the seaside, your hair line, though dark is receding."

You started to jump up in umbrage proclaiming, "That is the rudest thing I've heard all day!"

Apprehending your meaning was not based in spying,

I tried to leave quietly, out the back door.

The waitress, though cute, had no patience with vagrants however they looked.

She brought a bouncer, bounced me back to the cashier. I was embarrassed and red.

This was not the unobtrusive meeting my handler had said.

And you were astonied, as they tossed me out, muttering, "I just bet he listens to old rock and roll five times a week if not daily!

We never saw each other again until, ironically, I was checking meal tickets and collecting lunch money at the serving line entrance in an El Cajon campus. Mostly unobtrusively, but without any espionage to keep me warm.

A Timely Book for 2012 (kind of repeated from a previous post)

Twilight of the A-Pooh-Calypse-Oh!

A Story of the End of the World and Latin Dancing For the Very Young-----------------by Timothy Sparrow, 1998.

I was reminded of this because of the recent comic New Adventures of Queen Victoria:

And because I expect to be as disappointed by December 21 this year as I was during the (non) arrival of the Jupiter effect--the alignment of a bunch of the planets in the solar system-- on or near March 10, 1982.

Snack and writing

I was thinking of a Beatles song, "I've got a feeling." I guess I was hungry, because I started thinking of a parody involving a large amount of pizza.


I need a pizza, a pizza deep and wide
Oh yeah, Oh yeah
I need a pizza, a pizza I can’t hide
Oh no. no. Oh no! oh No.
Yeah! Yeah! I need a pizza. Yeah!

Oh please believe me, pineapple and the ham
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
And if you leave me, no anchovy again
Oh no, oh no, oh no.
Yeah Yeah I need a pizza, yeah.
I need a pizza.

All these years I’ve been wandering ‘round,
Wondering how come nobody told me
Anchovy, ham and garlic is a bit of
an over do

I need a pizza, with sauce of tomatoes
Oh Yeah, Oh yeah.
I need a pizza with prawns and cilantro
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh yeah.
Yeah! Yeah! I need a pizza. Yeah!

Ev’rybody had a bread stick
Ev’vrybody had a red wine
Ev’vrybody had a salad
Ev’vrybody had the Key Lime
Oh yeah, Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Ev’rybody had a good beer
Ev’rybody let their belt out
Ev’rybody wiped their spill up
Ev’rybody put their tips down
Oh yeah. Yeah Wooooo Hooooo


It's not as funny nor quite as inventive as a Weird Al Yankovic composition, but it pretty much fits the syllable count and stress. :-)

You always wanted to know

If Sherlock Holmes got infected and became a Zombie,

He'd be a clever cadaver.

Another Imaginary Book: The Duesenberg Diary

Ernesto Guevara--Ché to much of the world--was among other things a diarist. He wrote The Motorcycle Diaries which were adapted into a 2004 flim of the same name. Also published after his death was a collection called The Bolivian Diary or The complete Bolivian diaries of Che Guevara, and other captured documents, edited and with an introd. by Daniel James.

The Duesenberg Diary fits in between those two and is a record of Guevara's travels in a Duesenberg Straight Eight across one Autumn until the rains led to mud over the running boards and Ché had to climb out the window and abandon the car. After that, it's pretty much off to the revolution.

Imaginary Book

Twilight of the A-Pooh-Calypse-Oh!

A Story of the End of the World and Latin Dancing
For the Very Young!
By Timothy Sparrow.

Book Choice

If you read only one book this year...




What? Are you insane? Where are your priorities??!!! You should read at least two. They don't have to be long, but really--at least two!

YouTube, PodCasts and Ebooks--#23, #24, #25

#23.
I went to YouTube, but all I got was this silly joke video.


(As it used to say at the end of X-Files tv show, "I made that!")

#24. Lacking a microphone on my system, I haven't started podcasting, but I've subscribed to a podcast on my bloglines and I've turned my Audible dot com subscription to The New York Times Audio Digest into receive by Podcast using Juice. Since I listen on my Palm Tungsten, I'm having problems actually getting it to be an automated process, but it works well enough if I listen through Real Player or Media Player on my desk top.

I suppose a once a month podcast doing a book talk or high lighting some special KCLS event might be a good use of podcasting for KCLS, but one needs to consider content and time constraints before jumping into the crowed pool of more experienced and entertaining podcasters. It's better not to use some communication outlets (for a while) than to use them with embarrassing content (Parker the Well-Dressed Panther, notwithstanding).

#25. Ebooks. I have downloaded eaudio books, Mobipocket print versions and AdobeReader print versions. I notice that AdobeReader now has a separate Digital Editions add-on that has to be down-loaded. This was not the case when I first started using it a couple years ago. I'm glad I know that and found it out, but I still like Mobipocket better because it takes up less memory on the device. EAudiobooks from KCLS don't work right from the download with PalmOS devices. They don't work right from the download with I-Pods either. I consider this a flaw--but at least knowing it is so, one can tell patrons about it.

A Different Harry Chapin Song.

A while back I mentioned Harry Chapin on the radio singing his song "Taxi". This picture reminded me of another of his songs, "The Rock."
"The rock is gonna fall on us," he stood and told the class.
The professor put his chalk down and peered out through his glasses
But he went on and said; "I've seen it, high up on the hill
If it doesn't fall this year then very soon it will!"
--Harry Chapin, "The Rock" on the albums Portrait Gallery and Harry Chapin: Story of a Life [BOX SET]

Number 17

Catch-up and Play Week: Play with an online image generator.

done and done. But now, a word from our sponser, the Number 17.

The Japanese verse form known as Haiku contains exactly 17 syllables. Note that it consists of 3 lines, with 5, 7, and 5 syllables, respectively.
Back to our show.
This poster was made at the Do It Yourself tab at
the Parody Motivator Generator at Despair.com. (The do it yourself part included the picture, which is mine, and the aphorism, which is also mine, all rights reserved!)